


we were never meant for do or die

by hanzios



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, can you believe im tagging a berlermo fic with canon compliant lmao, otp: you and i are soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzios/pseuds/hanzios
Summary: As much as Martín liked Andrés, he loved him back the same amount.OR: That Berlermo scene, told through Andrés' perspective.
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa & Palermo | Martín, Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín
Comments: 46
Kudos: 244





	we were never meant for do or die

**Author's Note:**

> [WARNING: contains lcdp 4 spoilers!]
> 
> i still can't believe it's real.
> 
> song is 'already gone,' but the version of sleeping at last

_Remember all the things we wanted_  
_Now all our memories, they’re haunted_  
_We were always meant to say goodbye_

  
The chapel was an altar dedicated to the both of them. Over the years they’ve lived together, tiny fragments of their being collided in the ancient walls of the room. Martín’s blueprints sprawled across mahogany tables, Andrés’ drawings just above them; Photos of their travels, framed with brass, atop an old drawer; unused clothes strewn on chairs – coats and hats and Martín’s leather jacket.

  
Imprinted on the atmosphere were memories – beautiful memories Andrés couldn’t bear to let go of. Of long hours spent pouring over their many plans; early mornings delivering Martín coffee after the engineer had fallen asleep on his equations; sleepless nights spent dancing in the center of the chapel, faint music echoing through the walls of the monastery.

But Andrés had to. He has grown too attached to the brilliant man sitting on the workstation behind him, a universe of ideas behind his sparkling blue eyes. 

  
Andrés turned around as he adjusted his jacket. As he stared at Martín, ready to break his heart, a fake smile formed on his face.

  
“How do I look?"

  
+

  
_Never would have worked out_  
_We were never meant for do or die_

  
“You’ll think about me. But I won’t think about you.”

  
Something in Martín’s eyes darkened when the words left Andrés’ mouth. Like a bullet to the chest, Andrés felt his own heart clench painfully. 

  
“Look, you don’t have to spell it out for me.” Martín’s voice was low, almost shy. “It’s clear.” He raised his eyes to meet Andrés’. 

  
“ _Oh, por favor_.” He couldn’t help but almost laugh. All these years, he’d thought that Martín was smart enough to figure it out. But alas, despite his eyes never being able to leave Andrés since the moment they met, he was as blind as he’s ever been.

  
“Do you think I don’t love you?” he asked. The other man’s face was blank. “I also feel that what we have between us is extraordinary, unique, wonderful.

  
“I know about love. I’ve been married five times,” – Martín shrugged, widening his legs – “What I’ve never told you is that… I’ve never felt anything with any of those women remotely similar to what I have with you. _Not even close.”_

  
Andrés let the truth flow out of his mouth just like that, allowing the dam to give away. It was easy to admit something that has been rattling in his brain for years. 

  
What he feared was the reaction. 

  
+

  
_Looking at you makes it harder_  
_But I know that you’ll find another_

  
Martín stood up from his seat and placed his hands on his hips. Watching him walk nearer made Andrés feel weak in the knees. Heart full of emotion, he said, “You and I are soulmates.”

  
The other man exhaled, chest sinking as if Andrés had taken his breath away. 

  
Andrés felt the same. 

  
With a grin, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “But only 99%,” he said, shifting the weight in his feet. “As you know, I really like women.” There was a pause before he added, “And you like me too much.” 

  
Martín did. He always complimented Andrés, on his art and his thievery and his clothes. He checked up on him after every heartbreak (there were four so far), making sure that he ate and slept well. When he’d learned about Andrés’ condition, he would take secret trips around Europe looking for a cure, thinking Andrés wouldn’t notice his prolonged absences.

  
But Andrés did. 

  
Because as much as Martín liked Andrés, he loved him back the same amount. 

  
+

_Started with a perfect kiss_  
_Then we could feel the poison set in_  
_Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive_

  
Andrés didn’t know how he allowed Martín to come closer. He’d listened to the man talking, but was too enthralled by the softness of his expression that Andrés couldn’t focus on anything else. As if the world didn’t exist behind Martín’s smile. 

  
And this vulnerability was dangerous. 

  
Martín’s fingers trailed down the sides of Andrés’ face, electricity coursing through them. His hands gently held the back of Andrés’ neck, eyes never wavering. 

  
“ _Martín_.”

  
“Don’t worry,” he whispered. Comforting. “Relax.” 

  
“Don’t be afraid,” Martín said, too soft to hear. 

  
Andrés’ eyes fluttered shut. Suddenly, a pair of lips crashed down on his, and instinctively, he grabbed Martín’s waist. His eyes remained closed as he kissed Martín back with the same ferocity, chest bursting in emotion. 

  
Ten years, he has wanted to do this. 

  
And as Martín’s hand pulled at the strands of his hair, opening his mouth for the other's tongue, Andrés’ heart sank, knowing the part that came after.

  
+

  
_You know that I love you so_  
_I love you enough to let you go_

  
“You’re a coward,” Martín teased, still holding onto Andrés for dear life. 

  
Andrés couldn’t focus much else on what he was saying, intoxicated on the lips that once were on his. He couldn’t even move as Martín tried to kiss him again and again. 

  
And he shouldn’t have kissed him. He should’ve just left. 

  
When he opened his eyes, he saw the love of his life. And he couldn’t bear to say goodbye without getting to kiss him again. 

  
Andrés walked towards a startled Martín, the engineer wide-eyed like a deer in the headlights. He pushed him against the wall with a hand on his neck, and connected their mouths once more. His hands flew to Martín’s as he wrapped his arms around Andrés, their bodies close and warm, like stars colliding a million light-years away. 

  
And just like stars, the black hole shall come after.

  
Martín kissed him desperately, years and years of repression bubbling to the surface. Something similar clawed its way up to Andrés’ throat. For a second, he pulled apart, pressing their foreheads together, hands cupping each other’s cheeks. He allowed himself to feel this deep affection for Martín.

  
If he could freeze this moment forever, he would. 

  
But he couldn’t. 

  
Instead, he hungrily dove into Martín’s mouth, kissing him as if he was the single drop of water in an unending desert. In a way, he was. It was scary how much he needed Martín.

  
Once again, Andrés broke the kiss. “Look,” he whispered in the other’s mouth. “I’d give anything to feel that, but…” Martín pulled him closer, a certain sadness in his glassy blue eyes. He tried to capture Andrés’ lips, but Andrés just lightly shook his head, defeated.

  
“It’s impossible,” was what he managed to say, pieces of their broken hearts laid out in front of them. 

  
_I want to be with you forever_ , he wanted to say. But he couldn’t.

  
He was dying.

  
And he had already come to peace with his limited mortality. 

  
Staying with Martín would mean having a reason to live. 

  
So, he held onto the one percent despite his heart telling him to fight for the other ninety-nine. 

  
Andrés pressed a chaste kiss into Martín’s mouth. He repeated, as if trying to convince himself, “ _It’s impossible_.” 

  
The devastation in Martín’s eyes was enough for Andrés to stop what he was doing. He’d wanted to leave for his own sake, but selfishly, not without getting to experience what he truly desired. 

  
Not without breaking Martín’s heart. 

  
Andrés could feel the tears running down Martín’s cheek on his fingertips.

  
There it was. _The black hole._

  
+

  
_I want you to know_  
_That it doesn’t matter_  
_Where we take this road_  
_Someone’s gotta go_

  
Andrés began to walk away, vision becoming cloudy as tears threatened to drop from his eyes. 

  
“I love you, Martín,” he said. The single most honest thing he’s ever said in his life. “But my brother’s right. We must part ways.” 

  
The engineer’s chest heaved like he’d been punched. Andrés’ words were fists beating him in every single part of his body. He couldn’t bear seeing Martín in that position.

  
So, he added, turning his heel, “And we have to scrap the plan.” 

  
Martín called weakly behind him, “Your son of a bitch brother told you I loved you to break up this house.” 

  
Andrés tried searching for spite in those words, but only found grief. He put on his coat; a small distraction to tame the wave of thoughts in his head.

  
“You’re going to go and make photocopies in the Royal Mint, right?” Martín’s voice cracked with sorrow. “I offered melting gold together.” 

  
“ _You’re hooked on something that will never exist._ ” Andrés snapped, once again unsure if the words were for Martín or for himself. His voice cut through the air like newly-sharpened knife. All that was left was the sadness. He couldn’t bear it.

  
Andrés turned around. “I have to leave you. It’s… for love.” Martín never moved from his position in the wall, shoulders slumping, defeated. 

  
“For brotherhood. For the commitment I have to you."

  
There was no reply.

  
He put on his hat and said, “Leave… and heal the wound.” _Before you can watch me die_. “Sometimes distance is the only way to find peace.” 

  
Martín breathed heavily, and from the space between them, Andrés could see the tracks of tears on his face. He could feel the bitterness still on his fingertips.

  
With all of his heart, he finally said, “Farewell, my friend.” A small smile broke on his lips as he added, “I’m sure one way or another, time will bring us back together.”

  
As he began to walk away, part of him wanted Martín to stop him. To tell him their love was worth the heartbreak. But no protest came. 

  
+

  
_And I want you to know_  
_You couldn’t have loved me better_

When Andrés left, he took a piece of Martín with him. 

  
+

  
_But I want you to move on_

  
There was a huge part of Andrés that was left in Martín, too.

  
+

_So I’m already gone_

  
Ninety-nine percent of him.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter! @LACASADESPARZA


End file.
